We all have dreams. I remember watching “Singing in the Rain” with Gene Kelly when I was young and imagining myself as part of the cast. Observing Olympic skaters spinning, jumping, and leaping high to land securely with a flourish. Barrel racers and their ponies—two working as one toward a goal. And in my dreams I did them all, very well and with style, with a humble gracefulness that endeared me to all who were watching.

In the reality of my existence, there was a focus on music, doing well in school, caring for siblings and pets, and helping out at home and church. These were the priorities in my home. “Why?” and “How?” were the questions that I often asked. I loved learning new things, and a short attention span kept me jumping from one thing to the next. And reading, it’s amazing how much you learn in books! And In my dreams, both at night and during the day, I reached excellence in all the things that I imagined.

Life in my daydreams was exciting, but I found it takes a lot of hard work in real life to make any of them come true. Reaching a level of good, much less excellence, takes focused repetition, not just for a short season, but over a period of years. You need to set a goal and work toward it in increments whether you feel like it or not. This was a novel concept for me as a young woman who was always interested in the next new thing, especially when she married a goal-setting athlete and scholar who worked toward excellence in his chosen fields. I found that I enjoyed learning and sticking with a sport as I put in some sweat and tears to develop skills in racquetball and volleyball, enough to achieve a mediocre level in both. The surprise to me was, I didn’t keep working to reach a higher level. “Why?” Because, I was still interested in everything and didn’t have or want to choose just one or not have time for something new. I learned to be satisfied with “competent.”

For seven years I coached freshman volleyball. Experience levels varied from “the team who served it over the net would win,” to having watched a varsity game, to having learned to play from older siblings or parents. At least half were there just to be with friends. Many were surprised to hear that practice wasn’t optional, that there were skills to learn, and that your mind had to be involved as well as your body. Each player had to master volleyball positions, how to rotate, and how to move from offense to defense—in addition to learning the physical skills involved. Every player has a role to play, and the whole team depends on each other and works together. If a player doesn’t learn, doesn’t participate, talks too much, or interrupts drills, it affects the whole.

Being on a team gives many a built-in social group as they enter high school—a valid, effective way to start out this new phase of life. For others, it has been a part of their dreams of high school experience. Some have watched, played, like the game, and want to get better. And others find out within weeks that they don’t want to be there, but their parents won’t let them quit until after the season is over. A few found out that they really didn’t like the coach.

In three months of working together, every person in the gym figures out valuable things about themselves. “I don’t like this game enough to work this hard.” “I have to focus more on my classwork.” “I hate drills, and I’m afraid of the ball.” “There are too many Saturday tournaments.” “I think I’ll change friend groups.” “I’d rather be on the drama team.” “I prefer individual sports, like cross country.” “I like this enough to try out for junior varsity next year.” “This is the best sport ever, and I want to get really good at it.”

I believe this is a good place—a safe place—for students to begin to see the differences between dreams and goals. A young person has opened the door to figuring out who they really are and learns to make choices that reflect that knowledge. Perhaps the biggest benefit for your teen is to learn what it means to be part of a team, even if they didn’t get to choose their teammates. Every person matters as they work toward a common goal. And each person’s work is noticed, needed, and appreciated.

DREAMS: we use our imagination to place ourselves in any place that draws our interest.
GOALS: we find out what we like/want, and make an action plan to reach it.
Both are important, but very different.

Parents, encourage your teens to try. Listen and discern as they spread their wings, so that you can guide them on their path. When they discover “their place to shine,” support and fuel their goal-setting. Some will spend more time dreaming and trying new things, and maybe this is their strength.