I am a child of God, baptized with the Holy Spirit. He lives inside me, yet I still often try to box Him in. I don’t listen to His quiet voice or open the eyes of my heart to hear/see the walls that I construct to block His light. Unless I see through Holy Spirit eyes, I don’t even know I have done this.

Although I can’t remember a specific time when I was baptized by the Holy Spirit, neither can I remember a time without Him residing in me. He fills more and more of me–when I invite and cooperate with Him. It’s not something that I can accomplish alone and cross off of my list. It’s not a product that I can point to: a number, a dollar figure, or a published book. It’s as ambiguous as being a parent or teacher who works hard every day and gives herself to the effort even when she’d rather not. But there is not a product that you can measure or a clear way to chart accomplishment.

Growth and accomplishment will show up over time in burst and glimmers as I recognize that I am holding onto anger and bitterness, ask for help to forgive, and repeat that request day after day. All this SO THAT my words, deeds, and attitudes reflect the light of the Holy Spirit rather than the brick walls of hurt, anger, and spite that I’ve been clinging to. I have to stop–right now–telling the story of my justifiable hurt and anger. Holy Spirit, tear that wall down!

No, you say? You want me to tear it down? I’ll need Your help, Your strength, to crumble and pulverize each brick so that hurtful words and incomprehensible actions can no longer form a barrier wall, but lay under my feet as a part of the path that leads to You.

And when things–more bricks–are thrown my way, as they will be, help me to deflect them and make them a part of the path right away instead of piling them up, in tact, as the building blocks of another wall.

Shine, Lord, through all of me. (thoughts on John 1:1-13)