Major loss invokes intense emotional suffering. That is the definition of grief. And it deals us a breath-expelling blow to the solar plexus. We associate grief with the death of a loved one, but there are many kinds of deaths—losses—that drag us down to the depths of despair:

• Loss of health—those who suffer from chronic and terminal illness.
• Loss of ability—those who suffer from handicaps, impairments, age.
• Loss of relationship—those who suffer from loneliness, fears, and misfortunes.
• Loss of consideration—those who suffer from the misunderstanding and mis-statements of the well-meaning.
• Loss of a job, livelihood, ability to provide sustenance.
• Loss of a marriage, spouse, family, children.
• Loss of innocence, virginity, trust.
• Loss of a cherished role in life, a purpose, a focus.

The list goes on and on. And so can grief. The loss can be just a stage of life, something expected and celebrated, and at the same time leaving you bereft. Sometimes it is a simple thing to point at the source of our grief. It’s an obvious loss. Sometime we are hit with intense emotions that take us by surprise. David writes about this kind of grief in Psalm 42.

Day and night I have only tears for food, while my enemies continually taunt me, saying, “Where is this God of yours? My heart is breaking as I remember how it used to be: I walked among the crowds of worshipers, leading a great procession to the house of God,   singing for joy and giving thanks amid the sound of a great celebration! … Why am I discouraged?  Why is my heart so sad? … “O God my rock,” I cry, “Why have you forgotten me? Why must I wander around in grief, oppressed by my enemies?” … Why am I discouraged?  Why is my heart so sad? …  (Psalm 42, NLT)

We extend grace to people for mourning when someone they love dies, but what about the death of: hopes and dreams for the future, growing old together and riding off into the sunset in an RV, trust in relationships because of broken vows, or the loss of children to independence when they leave the nest. Can we give ourselves or others permission to grieve about that?

What could have been … what should have been … the way we expected life to go, but it took a detour and we can’t find our way back. We can feel guilty about feeling so bad, and the Lord tells us to inquire of our heart. “ What is going on inside me? Why am I so discouraged and sad?”

Remember what Jesus did in the garden. He didn’t say, “I’m fine. Leave me alone. I’m just working through some things.”  He said to his special friends, “My heart is sorrowful unto death. I need you to be with me.” He was very real with his feelings of pain and grief, and he invited others to come alongside him.

We fight it, but grief isn’t the enemy.

It is an emotion that the Lord gives us
because He wants us to be real and express what is inside.
Grief is the hurt of healing.