Isn’t it easy to blow the little things way out of proportion?
Often we really aren’t aware of or don’t want to face the real problem in a relationship, so we choose something easy to see and easy to get mad about.
“It’s common for people with big problems to dwell disproportionately on smaller ones. Stress rarely respects its assigned place, and your mind might prefer to pin much of your stress on an indiscreet friend [ed. spouse, child, situation]. because that’s something it thinks it can manage.”
~Carolyn Hax, “Tell Me About It,” Des Moines Register, November 5, 2016
Carolyn Hax was talking to a woman who had told a close friend about her illness. The friend had revealed this information to someone else, and the letter writer was angry, betrayed, confused…
How many times do we blow up about a silly, minor irritant, when the real cause runs deeper and is much more complicated?
If you find yourself just waiting for a fight, go find a quiet spot and do a little discerning. Why am I so angry? What’s the real issue? When you discover it, chew on it a while to see if you like the taste. If you don’t, that’s where change is needed.
More wise words from Carolyn Hax:
- “…Friendship and decency are best served by not assigning any blame here at all. Instead I advise recognition that you and your friend are very different on this account.”
- “You can control how you share your information, but you cannot control it once shared.”