ONE HOUSE—THREE GENERATIONS Series

Your kids are watching.

When my mother-in-law had a stroke, my husband’s parents needed more support, so they moved to a senior-living complex in in our town. My husband’s father died a few years later, and Mom was on her own. She had Sunday dinners at our house and we took her on other outings. There were some health scares, and she moved to assisted living. I would stop in on my way to work most days and play cards with her after-breakfast group. She was a classy lady who loved looking nice, so I would try to shop her style, brings items for her approval, and return what was needed. (Shout out to Franklin Street Clothing in Pella, Iowa, who were very accommodating!) Our styles quite different—classy vs quirky—but we managed to laugh at the mismatch, most of the time, and accommodate
each other’s need. We even shared a birthday, and each year I still sing “Happy Birthday” to Mom in heaven.My father died in 1993, and my mother lived to age 99. She died last October. Although we were separated by 2,000 miles, I remained very much a part of her life through phone calls in visits. When the hard things came up—short-term memory loss and a need to move out of her home—I was there
to be the target of her frustration. That was one way I could support my sister who lived close so mom was part of her every-day live. My visits, involvement in her care, and contact with my sister increased in number and in length-of-stay as her health grew more frail. She is my mom. This is what we do with family.My adult kids were watching.My daughter Lynn and her husband cared for his father who lived the last months of his life in their home under hospice care. By that time, they had moved their family to Pella, and had made a second move to a house that was kitty-corner across our back yard. As you might imagine, there was a
visible path through the grass between our houses. When, Dad died and the funeral was over, during a family Sunday dinner at our house, my daughter Lynn said something surprising. “We should buy a house together while both families can still have fun together. We’re together so much any way.” Of course, we looked at her husband. He agreed. So
did the grandkids.We were watching our adult kids.Lynn and I contacted some realtor friends. We started finishing all the half-finished upgrades to our current homes. And we started looking for a house that might work in the grand experiment. Each house we saw, helped us to hone our views on what each family really needed and wanted. We
didn’t think we would be able to find anything remotely within our price range, but we finally did. So, we finished our projects and sold our homes. A bank was willing to take on this unconventional mortgage situation, and we made the move I wrote about last week.

So, what was the trigger? I think it was caring for the family we love.