I saw two huge black birds this morning, and they were stuck together.
Turns out they were velcrows.

Smoking will kill you. So will bacon.
But smoking bacon will cure it.

I got an email that explained all you need to know about reading maps backwards.
It was spam.

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Make someone’s day more exciting.
At 7:30 a.m. on a random day, text them, “On my way.”