I beg your pardon. I did not forget. I rememberd 11 times at the wrong time. What do you call an empty bottle of Cheez Whiz?Cheese Was Me: People say that 60 is the new 40.Police: That’s not how speed limits work.
Live Life Laughing – 43
Live Life Laughing – 42
Remember Pavlov’s experiment? I was wondering, “Do you think Pavlov thought about feeding his dog every time he heard a bell ring?”Now, I’m going to be haunted by this question. What do you call a Frenchman who was attacked by a cat?Claude. I love my furniture. Me and my recliner go way back.
Live Life Laughing – 41
Respect people who wear glasses. They paid money to see you. Meant to say “hold on for a second” or “give me a minute” to a friend in the coffee shop.What I actually said was, “Hold me for a second.” Awkward. Gonna be one of those days. 4-year-old: “I found a caterpillar. It’s not poisonous.”Me:… Read More
Live Life Laughing – 40
I used to have an uncontrollable obsession to buy large boats. I needed to stop! Fortunately, the antibuyyachtics worked. I like to play this game I call “Nap Roulette.” I take a nap and don’t set an alarm. Will it be 20 minutes or 4 hours?Nobody know. It’s risky, and I like it. What do… Read More
Live Life Laughing – 39
I saw a man using different cuts of meat to create portraits.It was a rare medium, but well done. I can’t take my dog to the park any more. The ducks keep biting him. Because he’s pure bread. If you hold the sole of your foot to your ear, you can hear the sound of… Read More
Live Life Laughing – 38
Who was the detective that solves the math problem? Magnum PI Notice how GPS never says “I made a mistake.”It just says “Recalculating route.”That’s life. You know what seems odd to me?Numbers that aren’t divisible by 2. I have a theory that chocolate and peanut butter would taste great together.I think I’d better do a… Read More
Live Life Laughing – 37
Did you hear about the big LEGO sale?People were lined up for blocks. When I use my invisible hula hoop, it really freaks people out. If all looks cloudy and gray, check to make sure you are not drinking decaf.
