Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?”
Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, “The driver just insulted me!” The man says, “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.” – See more at: http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes/family-jokes#sthash.ejcFwqXR.dpuf

“A sense of humor is the best indicator that you will recover; it is often the best indicator that people will love you. Sustain that and you have hope.”
― Andrew Solomon, The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression