Dad: “I don’t trust those trees, son.”
Son: “Why not, Dad?”
Dad: “They seem kind of shady.”

One day Joe’s mother turned to Joe’s father and said, “It’s such a nice day, I think I’ll take Joe to the zoo.”
“I wouldn’t bother,” said father. “If they want him, they can come and get him.”

Little Johnny and his family seldom had guest, so he was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the office.
When the dinner was nearly over, little Johnny went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father who passed it to a guest. Johnny came in with a second piece of pie and gave it to his father, who passed it to the other guest.
“It’s no use, Dad,” Johnny said. “The pieces are all the same size.”

Teacher (speaking on phone): “You say Michael has a cold and can’t come to school today? To whom am I speaking?”
Voice: “This is my father.”

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“My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, ‘You’re tearing up the grass.’ ‘We’re not raising grass,’ Dad would reply. ‘We’re raising boys.’” ~Harmon Killebrew