Bigger on the Inside

Teach us to realize
the brevity of life,
so that we may grow
in wisdom.

Psalm 90:12 (NLT)

I want to live my life in such a way that I reflect the infinite presence of God in my heart. I want to be bigger on the inside—the Holy Spirit pouring in more and more as I surrender lingering fast-holds of sin in all my interior cracks and crevices.

God has given me two major focuses at this time of my life: people and writing. I listed them in that order on purpose.

I’m driven to write now, as I am very aware of the brevity of life. I want to pour words onto paper; then re-frame, re-order, re-do, and edit some more. But my parents taught me, “People come first.” And God has made this very clear to me as well. So, I live with extended family, write in a coffee shop, and meet and greet everyone who passes my table. Friends know where to find me, I act as the Smokey Row grandma to staff and regulars, and strangers inevitably ask me questions. Still, God’s mysterious miracle in this situation is that I find time and energy to write almost every day.

However, today was not for writing—it was a service day that I gave to my family: home school teaching, preparing and sharing two meals, watching a grandchild’s performance, running errands, and helping clean up the kitchen. This was my own choice of how to spend the day. Even so, I had moments of wishing I was doing my own thing, writing something especially creative, and drinking coffee. However, I am very aware that my “people mission” time is as limited as my writing time. God has given me a family and a neighborhood as a vital part of my earthly existence. He placed me here, today, with these people. And I want to follow his example of servanthood.

My granddaughter Kendall recently asked me if we will still be in the relationship of grandma and granddaughter when we are in heaven, and I couldn’t give her a definitive answer. But God will be there; so, will we. And God promises a new heaven and a new earth, that there’s a place prepared for me and for Kendall, and it will be wonderful. So, I believe.

Maybe I’ll still get to write. Maybe Kendall will still play volleyball.

God, help me to open myself more fully so that the Holy Spirit space in me grows bigger and bigger during my small, brief sojourn on earth.

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