I keep telling my friend it’s wrong to shoplift, but he just doesn’t buy it.

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Teacher: This student didn’t wear her belt to school again.
Principal: What do you want me to do? Suspender?

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I went to the grocery store to buy 6 cans of Sprite, but when I got home I realized I’d picked 7up.

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Q What do you call a hippie’s wife?
A. Mississippi

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