I have hinted about a health issue I am facing: I have multiple myeloma, a cancer that can attack organs and bones. The good news, while my blood shows evidence of this cancer, it has not progressed to a the stage of doing damage at this time. So, health experts call this stage “smoldering myeloma.”

I’m experimenting with how to appear “smoldering.” Who would you put in that category? Marilyn Monroe? Just another of the crazy thoughts that streak through my mind when I’m not paying attention.

On a more serious note, it has also led me to ponder prayer.

• Can I pray for a miraculous healing–believing that God can and will do this for me?
  The answer is yes.
• Can I, at the same time, pray that I live within His will whether or not I am healed?
  The answer is also “yes,” but it wasn’t an easy answer for me because I didn’t really understand how both could be true in me, in God, and at the same time.

See, I was thinking of this issue in terms of myself. Can I truly believe and pray both of these, truly believing and meaning each of them, at the same time? I struggle with this.

How can I ask for, claim, believe without vacillating (James 1:6-8), in the miracle of healing that God can and will do for me without saying, “But in whatever state I am, I am content” (Philippians 4:10-12)?

My friend Nancy said, “It’s simple. God knows your heart, so focus on believing in the Miracle Maker.” I still struggled.

Then it occurred to me that I have put God in a too-small box once again: one that cannot contain His circumstantial will, His ultimate will, His love, His mercy, His miraculous healing, and His justice all at the same time, all in one God.

Oil and water don’t mix naturally in the world, but they do mix in God. If love is water and justice is oil, both are part and parcel of the same God, mixed together in a carafe that is so big that I can’t see the whole container at one time. All I can see, is the little part that I am currently looking at, and only a miniscule portion of that. My vision of God while I am in this world is blurred and incomplete (1 Corinthians 13:12).

God is big enough to handle both of these concepts even when I am not. I pray for healing. And God knows my heart. He holds me in His hands.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28