What do you call an attractive monster?Pretty scary. Bean bag chairs are Venus Flytraps for anyone over 40. The difference between me and Superman is this:He has super vision. I require supervision.

My mind is exceptionally quiet today. I’m suspicious I’m up to something I don’t want me to know about. I’m starting a business to teach math to short people.It’s called, “Making the little things count.” I’m going to need some of you readers to start getting weirder.I can’t keep pulling all the weight like this.… Read More

If a viking is reincarnated, is he Bjorn again? Just meand my support beverage. I’m having people over to stare at the phones later. You are welcome to come by. I’m giving away free samples of my attitude today.

Me and my recliner go way back. My favorite song is “Blowin’ in the Wind” byPeter, Pollen, Mary. What do you call an island completely covered by cupcakes?Desserted. Silence is Golden. Duct tape is Silver.

She believed she could, but it was 91 degrees outside with Iowa corn field humidity, so she didn’t. Why do fireflies’ butts glow?Because the other end would make them light-headed. Gravity is one of the most fundamental forces in the universe,but if you remove it, you get: gravy. The guy next door just bought 6… Read More