Kathleen S Evenhouse
Writing With Vision
“My credit card was denied at the sweater store.”“What did they do?”“They asked me for my cardigan.” Why did the chicken go to the gym?To work on his pecks. Dear life, When I said “can my day get any worse,” it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge. FUN FACT:Koi fish always travel in groups… Read More
I saw two huge black birds this morning, and they were stuck together.Turns out they were velcrows. Smoking will kill you. So will bacon.But smoking bacon will cure it. I got an email that explained all you need to know about reading maps backwards.It was spam. Make someone’s day more exciting.At 7:30 a.m. on a… Read More
“My teeth are turning yellow.”“Do you smoke or drink coffee?”“I drink it.” I decided to try magnetic eyelashes.Now my eyelid is stuck to the fridge. Send help. I’ve been watching my weight.It’s still there. Roses are red.Tacos are delicious.I use paper platesbecause I hate doing dishes.
I hate when my GPS tells me to head northwest when leaving the parking lot.Yo, British girl, do I need to turn left or right? Love is in the air, but so is the flu.Wash your hands. Cat puns freak meowt,Seriously, I’m not kitten. What is the most terrifying word in nuclear physics? “Oops!”
Why don’t you see many turtles wearing scarves?Because they have turtlenecks. Where does the general keep his armies?In his sleevies. When you look really closely …… all mirrors look like eyeballs. Cinderella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life.
If a police officer pulls over a U-Haul, did he bust a move? What happens when a microscope bumps into a telescope?A kaleidoscope. The inventor of the umbrella was going to call it “brella,” but she hesitated. What do you call a Sasquatch with noodles for hair?Spag-Yeti.
My last apartment only had four-foot high ceilings.I couldn’t stand living there. You must drop out to graduate from skydiving school. Why is Peter Pan always flying?Because he never lands. I’ve been trying to tell jokes about unemployed people, but they never work.
Kathleen S Evenhouse 