Kathleen S Evenhouse
Writing With Vision
I saw two huge black birds this morning, and they were stuck together.Turns out they were velcrows. Smoking will kill you. So will bacon.But smoking bacon will cure it. I got an email that explained all you need to know about reading maps backwards.It was spam. Make someone’s day more exciting.At 7:30 a.m. on a… Read More
“My teeth are turning yellow.”“Do you smoke or drink coffee?”“I drink it.” I decided to try magnetic eyelashes.Now my eyelid is stuck to the fridge. Send help. I’ve been watching my weight.It’s still there. Roses are red.Tacos are delicious.I use paper platesbecause I hate doing dishes.
I hate when my GPS tells me to head northwest when leaving the parking lot.Yo, British girl, do I need to turn left or right? Love is in the air, but so is the flu.Wash your hands. Cat puns freak meowt,Seriously, I’m not kitten. What is the most terrifying word in nuclear physics? “Oops!”
If a police officer pulls over a U-Haul, did he bust a move? What happens when a microscope bumps into a telescope?A kaleidoscope. The inventor of the umbrella was going to call it “brella,” but she hesitated. What do you call a Sasquatch with noodles for hair?Spag-Yeti.
My last apartment only had four-foot high ceilings.I couldn’t stand living there. You must drop out to graduate from skydiving school. Why is Peter Pan always flying?Because he never lands. I’ve been trying to tell jokes about unemployed people, but they never work.
Did you ever notice that when you lose the remote, you don’t trust anyone.“Are you sitting on the remote.”“Nope.”“Get up!” I’m writing a book about making things louder.I’m on the first volume now. Recently we joined an archaeological party where they were looking for something very specific: The remains of a lower leg.It was quite… Read More
Sheet Music is basically a “sound recipe.” I get so sick of people thinking they can just waltz into my room, when I am obviously listening to music in 4/4. Are you a fermata?Because I’d hold you. My mate told me he failed his exam in Aboriginal Music.I said, “Didja redo it?”
Kathleen S Evenhouse 