Do you need healing from abuse?

BlueprintWe started a discussion on abuse and its opposite–Godly child-rearing–on August 30, 2013, with talking about the blueprint that God has given us for character building. It’s a detailed plan, and it’s risky to build a house without one if you want it  last for any length of time. You need to follow rules of design that build strength in all the right places so rain won’t come through the roof and strong winds will stay outside. This is true for a building, and it’s true for building your child’s character. But sometime the blueprints are ignored, trashed, or blatantly misinterpreted. What then?


It doesn’t seem fair. After all, you’re the victim, not the abuser. Why should you have to do all the hard work that it takes to heal?

It’s not fair, but it’s true. And you’re worth it! And your healing will bless your future generations.

You begin healing today by gently taking the house apart piece by piece. Find the parts that aren’t up to code and tear them out so you can start over. Rebuild, put it all back together, with a house built according to God’s blueprint.

Here are some things to help you get started on healing from the pain of abuse:

  • Reevaluate your belief system and restructure it to God’s blueprint. Hold other people accountable when appropriate. Forgive them.
    • Why do you believe what you believe—because you really believe it or because someone told you to believe it?
    • Does it match up with what God tells you in his Word?
    • Declare innocence whenever possible.
  • Distinguish big sins from little sins. Learn and believe that while all of us are sinners, all sins are not the same. Some have weighty consequences. Throw out the abusive script that tells you that every sin gets the same penalty.
    • Did your punishment in childhood match in severity with your error?
    • If you see a Christian brother or sister sinning in a way that does not lead to death, you should pray, and God will give that person life. But there is a sin that leads to death, and I am not saying you should pray for those who commit it. All wicked actions are sin, but not every sin leads to death. 1 John 5:16–17 (NLT)
  • Change the script. See the weaknesses and strengths of those who raised you, and knock them out of the director’s seat while still honoring them.
    • What mistakes do you see that your parents or guardians have made?
    • What sins have they committed?
    • Identify their mistakes and forgive them.
  • Validate your emotions. Bring them to The Comforter (Jesus Christ).
  • The obligation to forgive doesn’t require an immediate end to negative feelings. It is an act of your will. The decision to forgive may need to be made repeatedly for feelings to follow.
    • Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life. Ephesians 4:26–27 (MSG)
  • Tearing out and rebuilding can become overwhelming.
    • Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path. Psalm 119:105 (NLT)
      This light only shines far enough ahead for the next few steps.
    • Don’t rush, but follow the Holy Spirit’s lead and his timing.
    • Review who is guilty, who is innocent, who crossed boundaries, and pray repentance, confession, and forgiveness.
    • Be prepared for remedial healing loops that the Holy Spirit may bring you through to get to deeper issues and/or wounds.

I pray blessing on your way through the journey to healing. May the Holy Spirit grant you clarity and insight; may you choose to forgive and receive God’s strength to do so; may you bask in the Father’s love, know the comfort and safety of his lap, and be healed. In the name of our Savior Jesus Christ, may your healing begin. Amen

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