A chicken crossed the ocean and met a British spy. “What’s your name?” he asked the man.“Bond. James Bond,” the spy said. “What’s yours?”“Ken. Chick Ken,” the bird cackled. What do you call an underwater spy?Pond. James Pond. I just bought a new blindfold. I can’t see myself wearing it. Another joke from Laurel: What… Read More

I cut myself, so I called the doctor and asked if I could put in my own stitches.She said, “Suture self.” My grandkids are visiting. I just asked them, “Did you know that you have the right to remain silent even when you are not being arrested?” If I had a nickel for every pun… Read More

I just saw some red-breasted birds sitting in the sun, and they were selling ice cream. I think they were Baskin Robins. That awkward moment when you’re wearing Nikes, and you can’t do it. I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly. Q: Why are hairdressers never late for work?A: Because… Read More

Q: What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?A: Supplies! I have a friend who took a selfie in the shower, but the image was blurry.He has selfie steam issues. All I’m saying is: “At any point during that ride through the desert, he could have at least given the horse… Read More

“BEAR WITH ME.” I’ve either made a heist at the zoo or I’m asking you to be patient. Your choice. Australia’s biggest export is boomerangs. It’s also their biggest import. If I swallow magnets, will I become attractive? Did you know you can get paid for sleeping?It’s a dream job.

Strange new trend at the office. People are putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Linda. Nobody knows how the fire started at Notre Dame. But Quasimodo has hunch. I just wrote a book on how to fall down a staircase.It’s a step-by-step guide.