What do you call a paper airplane that refuses to fly? Stationery. How many pieces of candy corn do you think you will eat before you ask youself: “I wonder what a candle would taste like?” Morning: Too tired to thinkNoon: Still thought impaired.Supper time: Leave something in the microwave til the end of the… Read More

I never finish anything.I have a black belt in Partial Arts. An empty fortune cookie is rather unfortunate. I did a little mechanics work today—I’m so good at this.I put a rear end in a recliner.

What do you call an attractive monster?Pretty scary. Bean bag chairs are Venus Flytraps for anyone over 40. The difference between me and Superman is this:He has super vision. I require supervision.

My mind is exceptionally quiet today. I’m suspicious I’m up to something I don’t want me to know about. I’m starting a business to teach math to short people.It’s called, “Making the little things count.” I’m going to need some of you readers to start getting weirder.I can’t keep pulling all the weight like this.… Read More

If a viking is reincarnated, is he Bjorn again? Just meand my support beverage. I’m having people over to stare at the phones later. You are welcome to come by. I’m giving away free samples of my attitude today.